43. MOB rules
My post Beckham-Peltz exclusive new rules for the Mother Of The Bride
Breaking! The thermonuclear blast wave created by the Beckham-Peltz wedding (the prenups, the bride’s dress, the mother in law’s dress, the first dance, the tears…the second, “real” wedding minus Beckhams) has reached The Rachel Johnson Papers. As I am between weddings (my daughter married her divine wife six months ago, and my son is marrying his equally divine girlfriend Lily this summer) I thought I might help all in a similar position by codifying the New Rules that now obtain for all mothers of the bride (or groom).
Every child, partner, location, budget and occasion is different and these days the most modest weddings seem to be three-day events preceded by elaborate overseas stags and hens which also seem to be de rigueur - the subject perhaps for another listicle (I might add that we - as in my husband and I, as the Queen used to say - gave everyone three weeks’ notice to turn up at Chelsea Town Hall, and then a lunch for 30 in a restaurant in Notting Hill Gate, but weddings were another country then).
As wedding season (as Tatler calls it) gets underway, here they are.
1.Don’t stick beak in.
This is the cardinal rule that should govern everything from the engagement announcement to the honeymoon. This is not your wedding. It is your daughter’s. Or son’s. You do not have the power. In fact it is the moment you have to accept the torch has passed and it is no longer about you. If your darling says they’re dressing the church with chrysanthemums, the 12 bridesmaids are wearing mauve and the cake will be a glittery croquembouche of Ferrero Rocher, you still beam with approval.
2. Open the cheque-book.
If you can, make a significant, no-strings cash contribution. It is an iron rule that when it comes to weddings, entertainers, suppliers etc all add an extra zero or two to their invoices and even if your money doesn’t buy you any control – you have to force yourself not to say things like, “wouldn’t it be nice to have Aunt Deirdre” or “shouldn’t your step-brothers be ushers” and so on for months – moolah will be gratefully received and make all the difference. We have a wedding fund of £10k per child but an unshowy wedding for 100 people, in London, can cost three times that, easy. Make that ten. If you’re the Peltz Beckhams, make that three million.
3. Don’t edit the guest list.
Everyone will have a view about who should be there. But millennials do it their way. Plus ones are not invariably invited unless they are embeds in something sacred and impenetrable called the couple’s “friendship group”. Godparents, aunts and uncles do not get automatic listing either. As mother of the bride, it is your job to salve the wounded feelings of close family friends or members who haven’t made the cut and prevent any related unpleasantness to soil the perfection of your princess’ (or prince’s) day.
